Through the eyes of a child...

As I start the 2nd month of a new decade, I am still overwhelmed with much... good, bad, and otherwise. I have found that 24 hours in a day aren't enough, I have watched several dreams be shattered, and I continue allow myself to be hurt by others.

While I am totally aware that my Jesus is in control, and that regardless of what the future holds, HE is the one who holds the future. I still seem to struggle with surrendering to that knowledge. To put aside all of my wants and desires and just "roll with it". It reminds me of a conversation I had this summer with my little protege, Callie, when she said, "Miss Kara, when I grow up, I want to be just like you". I laughed and said, "no, Callie, you are going to be WAY cooler than me". To which she responded, "yeah, you're probably right".

I have wondered many times why she'd ever say something like that. Why anyone would ever want to be like me? I have a list of failures ten miles long, a list of successes that fits on a post-it note, and no evident talents/strengths/gifts. I close my eyes and dream dreams that when I put my feet back onto planet earth I realize will never come true. I trust, just to be let down. I try, but I fail. Though I am aware mentally that the Lord loves me & I believe His word when He tells me I was created in His image, I have the hardest time wrapping my emotional intelligence (or lack there of) around it.

Then it occurred to me, that like Callie, Jesus looks at me through the eyes of a child. That six year old little girl doesn't really care what I've done/not done/succeeded at/failed at... rather, she loves me. Just because. I love on her, listen to her, put make up on her, haul her around on my back, and all of those little things that I don't give another thought to seem to be treasures in her young heart. Much that way, Jesus loves me because I am His. He doesn't care if I fail, fall down, or royally mess up because He knows that (though I don't always act like it) I desire in my heart to love, follow, and worship him.

Now, if only I could learn to see through those same, young eyes. If I could see obstacles, trials, and valleys as they are. If I could rejoice in success and be invigorated by failure. I feel as though I have a childlike faith in that I don't demand evidence (maybe because I'm simply not that intelligent) but I truly believe His word to be true. That being said, I ask: God, please, give me the eyes of a child...