The Meat Market

I have an addiction to exercise... literally. On days that I don't get to the gym (& spend what I consider ample enough time there), I'm not exactly pleasant to be around. Though my adrenal gland isn't the best working adrenal gland amongst the masses, I am so addicted to the endorphin high, that I'm totally off without it. Now, I know that there are worse things I could be addicted to (which I am, such as chocolate... which may be part of the addiction to calorie burning??), but still; all things in moderation.

All of that to say, I spend a lot of time at the gym. Therefore, I have significant opportunity to people watch, which is, truth be told, one of my most favorite pastimes. Watching people exercise (or in some cases, attempt to) is hands down, one of the funniest things. Put all of these people in a big room, with lots of equipment, various goals/levels/abilities, and then let them go. A plethora of humor ensues.

Not only is there humor, though, but a lot of flirting. And by a lot of flirting, I mean, people have somehow confused the day time hours they spend at the gym with the night time hours they spend at clubs & bars. I mean, honestly... there are people there (like myself) who are there to burn as many calories as possible, leave dripping in sweat, and arrive home with a stench strong enough to clear a store on Black Friday. And then, there are others... you know the ones, matching exercise clothes (that often don't quite qualify as clothes...), big hair, lots of make-up, and are visibly petrified of perspiring in any fashion. And then from the male side, there are those (like my kind of female) and then there are those who show up in cut offs, flex in the mirror, and spend more time looking at the spandex clad tails around them than they do at their machines.

Now, I may be mistaken, but the cover charge for a bar is usually what, like $5-$10? And they serve alcohol. And you just get to sit. Or stand. Dance, if you'd like. I mean, talk about easy. Furthermore, you're there during the late evening hours when there aren't other things that need to be done or that you could be doing. Right? Ok, so if that is the case, then why would you spend $60 on a gym membership, $100 on running shoes, $150 on a matching Under Armour sports bar/compression shorts get-up, & come to a place where people could potentially sweat on you. A place where you have to smell others hard at work. Am I missing the logic?

There are no work out clothes that are anymore revealing than clothes you can wear to a club, if that's the goal. But I will be honest... as much as I love that endorphin high, it's a truckload of work to achieve. Who wouldn't rather just sit around with a drink (of whatever type, my personal choice is diet coke & grendaine) in their hand? Sounds like a heck of a lot easier to me...

Finally, for the males at said fitness facilities who are there to pick up girls, please, please, PLEASE try to pick up the girls who are obviously there for the same reason. They aren't hard to spot, and there are plenty to go around. Please, please, PLEASE don't come try to talk to those of us who are kicking our own tails, headphones in, sweat pouring, and literally straining to get oxygen in to our lungs. I much prefer the pleasure of observing you look stupid, than having to experience your stupidity first hand. I don't want you on the machine next to me, because then I can't breathe and I can feel you breathing on me. I don't want you coming over to talk to me, so I have to turn off my iPod and lose my rhythm. If you have something to say, at least pretend like you're doing something and wait until I am done. Otherwise, there's a girl over there pretending to do abs in a sports bra and hot pants, just dying for you to notice. Thank you, ever so much.

Fashionista. Well, sort of...

I will in no way claim to have fashion sense. As girlie as I am (I have some kind of fear of ever being perceived in any way as masculine) I will take yoga clothes, leggings, sweats, sweatshirts, scrubs, jammies, etc. 100 times out of 100 over jeans & heels.

Now, granted, blue jeans aren't necessarily considered "dressing up", but in my own little land, they are. I have a muffin top. I can't help it. Doesn't matter how many hours a day I spend at the gym (and trust me, it's more than enough or even what's healthy...) I don't look like I work out ever. That being said, I don't like pants with buttons (i.e. blue jeans) because they give me a muffin top. The only thing worse than muffin tops? Back boobs... but that's a whole other fish to be fried.

Back to the topic at hand, I have attempted to establish my lack of credibility to discuss fashion, though that's precisely what I am about to do. I may be the oldest 24 year old that ever was, but hey, it's a tough job and someone has to do it. I'm taking it for the team.

1. BOTTOMS WITH BUTTONS: I understand that society puts a lot of pressure on females (I succumb to it more than most, so I am preaching to myself here) about pant sizes. I get that. I get that all women would rather be a 2 than a 4, a 4 than a 6, etc. Whatever. What a lot of women don't seem to realize, though, is that by squeezing yourself into said 4, when you're actually a 6, makes you look like an 8. You do the math (I got a bachelor of arts to avoid math...). If you're going to wear the pants with buttons, buy the size that fits; regardless of the number on the tag. Now, I understand more than a lot of people how discouraging that can be. I in no way endorse dishonesty, but if you have to rip the tag out and lie to yourself about what size you think they are, so be it. Because if you really are a 14, and you wear a 14, you're going to look more like a 12 (again I know that math doesn't add up, but whatever).

2. LEGGINGS: I know it is completely unorthodox to go here, but I'm taking it there anyways: the crotchal region. No one wants to see it. For real, no one. If you've got a badonkadonk and it's hard to keep covered, it's whatever. Sometimes that happens; and that can be reckoned with. The front, however, can not. Furthermore, regardless of how good you look (and there are bazillions of women 2 & 3 times my age who look better than I do) I believe in a FIRM no leggings after age 40. Seriously ladies, you may be hot, but come on...

3. TOPS: This is a mess. Period. First of all- boobs. We've all got them, seen them, dealt with them, loved them, hated them and any other verb you'd like to insert there. But that's just the point. I have my own boobs. I don't want to see yours. I'm not talking about wearing nothing but turtlenecks and starting the "Pride of the Prudes" club, however, I am mildly suggesting that they don't fall out of the top when you're just sitting around. Crazy, I know. Second of all- white. If you're going to wear white, fine. I don't care if you wear it after Labor day or before Memorial day... our differences makes us unique. However, uniqueness doesn't qualify as wearing colored bras under white shirts. Be real ladies: I don't want to see the girls pop out OR through the hot pink bra under the white burnout shirt. Ew.

4. SHOES: I know that cage, platform, and wedge shoes are extremely popular, I own & love some of them, however... some people have the gift of walking in heels, others have yet to learn the art. It truly is, an art form. It takes practice, balance, & poise to do it. Now, just because I'm capable of doing it (geesh, I suck at everything else, at least let me have this moment here) doesn't mean that I'm saying it's easy, I get that it's a challenge. BUT, if you aren't up to the challenge and you aren't capable of doing so, then DON'T. You look like a goon, I promise. You're going to look much nicer in simpler shoes than you will in sex kitten shoes that make you fall and break your nose. White tape across any broken nose greatly decreases one's appeal.

5. MAKE-UP: Snooki is ugly. She is. She's heavy because she doesn't take care of herself. Her hair is perpetually greasy. She tans in excess of normality (this, coming from someone who'd sleep in a tanning bed if she could). And she's dumb. Most of all, she's dumb. If the American culture is going to put so much pressure on females to weigh so little, why do women insist on putting on 10 lbs. of make-up? Again, questionable & confusing math.

6. SWIMSUITS: Last & certainly not least, the dreaded swim-suit. Very few women (even fewer who haven't had the assistance of a knife & licensed surgeon) actually enjoy the way they look/feel in a swimsuit. I am the president of that society. That being said, however, is that not all women, regardless of how they feel, are made for a bikini. Others, look so good in a bikini, it'd be absurd to wear a one-piece. If people would start looking at their individual body and what looks best on THEM as opposed to what they think looks best on everyone else and assuming they can do the same, we'd all enjoy ourselves much more at pools, lakes & beaches.

Moral of this pointless rant with superfluous attempts at evidencing my opinions? Simple, ladies, we just need to look in the mirror. At ourselves. Not who we want to be, or who others think we are or anything else besides what our two eyes see, and dress for that. Show some skin, flaunt your assets (we've all got them), & do your best to hide your flaws. It's not about the accessory or designer, but about the inner fashionista who needs to recognize the message she portrays as she dresses each day.

Bang, Bang... she shot me?

In sudo-follow up to yesterday's post (but not really, because it's been a long time coming) is my take on guns. Now, I am aware of the fact that very few people agree with me to begin with, even fewer still will agree on my take on guns. HOWEVER, the cliche of "guns don't kill people, people kill people" is about as close to truth as anything else outside of the Bible.

Here is why...

A person can die from LITERALLY anything. A pea? Yep, those blasted vegetables your mother made you eat because she said they were "good for you"? Choke on one of those bad boys and it's game over for you. Your own body? Yep, been there... done that, ask me about it sometime. A pencil? Accidentally ram it into your jugular vein and it's peace out dude. You get my point...

So, that being said... none of those things exist to kill you, however they are totally capable of doing so. I mean come on, why do you think I'm not allowed to take a tube of toothpaste on an airplane? Hello!

Don't outlaw guns. Don't do it. Know why? It's not just about my personal freedom to own one. Rather, it is much deeper and significantly more severe. If a bad guy wants to get something (i.e. weapons, drugs, slaves, etc.) he will find a way to do it. If guns are outlawed that leaves bad guys still having them & good guys not having any way to protect against bad guys. Now, you tell me what's wrong with that picture?

Take away the guns from the American public and you are taking away not only the right to own something, but the right to protect what is theirs. Frankly, despite how much I hate smoking, I don't think it should be banned. Sure it's bad for you, sure it's a hazard, sure it's stupid and a waste of money (no, those aren't my opinions... they're facts - check if you don't believe me) but so what? Aren't Americans intelligent enough to make their own decisions? If I want to suck on a cancer stick don't I have the right to do that because I live in a free nation? Don't I have the right to crawl into a tanning bed because I want to look nice, regardless of the risks (that I'm aware of & choose to ignore)? Banning something doesn't fix a problem, rather it makes it worse. The prohibition is a prime example of that. Cigarettes, guns, etc. are no different. Those who still REALLY want them, will find a way... and if they're going to use it for bad, they don't care if it's legal. The only ones who care about legality are those who aren't planning malicious acts (unless of course collecting guns & keeping them in a locked safe is considered malicious...)

If the government is going to continue to insist on "bans" and removing the rights & freedoms we Americans enjoy, then they will also remove America as we know it (but who are we kidding, they're in the process of doing that already... insert *gag* here). The evil people, the criminals, the "bad guys" if you will, could frankly give a flying pig's behind about the legal nature of an act. Nothing is going to change that. However, if this gun ban & "right to bare arms" is abolished, I challenge you to see how the crime increases as the innocent are left defenseless.

REALLY, left-wing media?

This tragedy in Tuscon makes me sick to my stomach (yes, I have the flu right now; no, I'm not confused). This evil act of unfathomable whack-jobness (that will be a word some day, I just know it.) not only breaks my heart, but it gives me goosebumps and forms pits the size of the Grand Canyon in my stomach.

I in no way want to negate what has taken place, I do however want to make a statement... with the following caveat: I do have a brain.

Hey far-left wing-uber liberal-conservative hating-anti Christian-media: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL ISSUE.

Whoa, I know that was a crazy statement, but let's be serious. What part of this makes it political? Because ONE (only ONE of the many victims) holds a political office?! Seriously? This guy was a nut regardless. He was obviously so far imbalanced, that whether she was a politician or a beautician, he had a vendetta against her and he was going to carry out his evil plan. Period. Furthermore, why wouldn't he do it in public? People like that seem to want more than anything, the attention that comes with their acts. 13 people lost their lives, including a precious 9 year old girl... and they want to make this about PARTISANSHIP?!

I've heard some blame the Republicans, some blame the Tea Party, and of course (because when all else fails) some blame Sarah Palin. How is it that Americans have lost so much humanity that people could diminish this horrific act of violence to one's political beliefs? This was obviously not an act of a political fanatic (frankly, from what they know, the guy didn't believe in anything except drugs, cults, & killing). Furthermore, the only people he claimed to agree with were liberal extremists... Congresswoman Gifford is a Democrat, is she not?

My heart breaks for all involved and my prayers are with them. Deeper than that, though, my prayers go to our country, land of the free & home of the brave: that we may be able to again regain our humanity & civility regardless of our disagreements. Tragedy such as this is not only uncalled for, but also a reminder of the fallen world in which we live. The devil seems to be doing a good enough job as it is, ruining America... do we as people need to help him out by losing sight of what is TRULY important? Just sayin'...

Memory Loss

Well, what a year 2010 was... to say the least. I haven't blogged since May, and I guess instead of taking responsibility (that's no longer fashionable in America), I will blame it on my memory loss. 2011 has arrived, and my blogging has returned.

It's nice though; it allows me to write as I love to do, but if no one cares/wants to hear what I have to say, they don't have to. Win/Win for all involved. Until next time... "Hello, World!"... "Hello, 2011!"