Life and death. Then life?

This past year has been interesting... to say the least. I thought we were getting close to reaching a point of sanity... I was wrong. As I am facing 2 funerals and 3 almost funerals, I'm realizing the severity of what it's like when the final reality of a non-believer as that person enters eternity... to be forever separated from those who are believers. Scary, isn't it?

I'm not scared of death. Or at least, I'm not supposed to be. What's on the other side? The reality of doing nothing but praising the Maker of the Universe with no pain or suffering. What's on this side? Pain, poverty & pride. Why should I be afraid of death? I shouldn't be. Rather, I'm afraid of HOW I'm going to die.

Life... eternal life. How incredible of a gift; so thankful for the blessing of the redemption that covered my sins, though I'm so undeserving.

Oops!

I obviously had forgotten that I had become a "blogger". Temporary identity crisis we'll call it. Or something like that...

Either way, my opinions are still strong (if not stronger). If I wrote a post for everything on my mind right now, I'd be still typing next week at this time... maybe even the week after too. So instead, I will make a list. And as I see fit, I will edit and add to that list. So, here goes...


1. OIL SPILL: Yeah, it sucks... for a lot of reasons (namely the already hurting economy down there), but the finger pointing that the executives did? So doesn't bother me. At all. Why? Because it's ALL of their faults. They're all guilty, and yes... what they all said was probably true. However, I'm not one for "buck-passing". If you did something wrong, you need to take responsibility and fix it. But hey, that's just me. Thankfully we have such a "great" president to blow the whistle on their finger-pointing... besides, it's not HIS fault he didn't respond! It's the Bush administration's... DUH. Like you didn't already know that? Obama can do NO wrong... it's impossible. And all of these issues we have been dealing with? Total result of the insane George W. Bush's. Yep, allllllll G.W.'s fault. Every last thing. Especially this health care bill- I mean honestly, what was he thinking? Thankfully, Barack was there to reprimand the finger pointers... since he never does it, I'm just so glad he was there to "save the day". Give me a break.


2. CNN is running a special (I believe it's tomorrow... I watch it at the gym because it's on; not my fault they don't know the RIGHT news network to watch...) regarding how white parents are teaching their white children to hate black children. Wait, WHAT?! Yep, that's right... in 2010, white supremacy must have somehow reached its peak. Now, please... do NOT get me wrong. I am in NO way prejudiced, and in NO way do I think it's right to judge someone on the color of their skin. I have friends of varying races & religions and my thoughts on this are certainly not supremacist... simply my feelings and observations and blatant dislike for "political correctness". Gag me with a spoon.

OK, so that being said (please note that I am writing this in a stressed out mood and there is a lot of sarcasm laced into the wording of some of this)... do you know what the worst thing to be in today's world is? An American. For some reason, we're hated. Whatever. Let's focus on our country... what's the worst thing to be in our country? An evangelical Christian. Yep, can't beat it. Due to some of the stereotype (which unfortunately is based off truth that arises from a small group of people), we are pompous/judgemental prudes who think we're better than everyone else. So, so sad. But, that being said it's bad to be an American. It's REALLY bad to be a Christian American. Worse than that? A WHITE Christian American. Still more? Being an affluent/educated, white, Christian American. Finally? Being an EDUCATED, WHITE, CHRISTIAN, AMERICAN MALE.

Where am I going with this? Tebow... I'm going Tebow (which on another note, could totally become a slang term, but I'll wait on that...). What is the deal with people HATING the Tebow family? Is it really THAT hard to believe there are good people left in this society? If they were of another race, religion, starving and all girls, would it be different? Is it so bad to not use your fortune to grow your ego into womanizing and wasting money on harmful things? Ok, whatever; I guess that's two soapboxes in one.


3. Obamacare. Yep... won't go there. Been there; still feel the same. I will leave that stone unturned. For now.


4. Carmel bullying/hazing case. This is a tough one. I will start with the disclaimer that it was WRONG. Very wrong. I am in NO way condoning what those boys did. I think it's unfortunate and I absolutley thing they should be punished. However, kids are kids. And they are mean. REALLY mean. Obviously, I've never experienced the bullying of boys, but I have dealt with the bullying of girls, and maybe it's just my bias, but I am convinced that what girls do is WAY worse.

Granted (thankfully) there isn't the sexual humiliation and contact like there was in this particular case, and no real physical harm. But, the emotional/mental harm? It's unreal. And it lasts for forever. It's not an isolated event. It goes on for a long, long time. Hard to detect, hard to "catch", and even HARDER to recover from. There are no visible bruises on skin, no tests that can be run at a hospital to check for penetration, no nothing. Instead there is unbelievable pain, the brutal murder of one's confidence, and the robbery of one's ability to trust.

This case isn't just about the horrible things that happened to that freshman basketball player. No, this case represents how awful kids (and adults for that matter) have been allowed to behave and treat other people. This is the "exhibit A" if you will of what happens all over this country every single day. I don't know if it's a lack of security so people need to hurt others to feel fulfilled, or if it's the sheer entitlement mentality, but whatever it is, it has gotten WAY out of hand. It's so sad that people really don't know what it's like to be a friend anymore.


4. MARK SAUDER: Give me a break... x2. He's a good friend of my mom's... they grew up together, went to high school together. Mark's dad & mom's dad taught Sunday school together at the AC church (yet another post for another day). Mark's mom still goes to church there... with Gramps. Grabill is about the size of a pea. That pea, however, is larger than Cedarville. Leo, now Leo, is the booming metropolis. The "triple cities" as they're known.

But come on, really Mark? Highlight of his speech was this: "I'm sick and tired of politicians who...". Um, hello? Last time I checked, he IS one of those politicians he's sick and tired of. His wife of 30-something years? So she's not a size 4 anymore. So what? Does that entitle him to someone younger, thinner, more attractive? He's been in Congress longer than he said (exhibit A of him not having a problem breaking his word and not following through) and now this. Just when the middle of the road begins to think the left has all the answers, we, the "judgemental, conservative, right-wing prudes" back up our hypocrisy. Now, I am CERTAINLY not saying I am innocent. No, I've never cheated on my spouse, but I will say that every day I live, it is "by the grace of God, go I...". It just makes me sad. Sad for Mrs. Sauder and their children. Sad for the husband and family of the mistress. Sad for all of the people who bought into him and now feel deceived. Sad for the conservatives who now have to try to repair the damage that was done. Just sad.

Ok... enough of that. I shall return... eventually.

April 26, 2010

I have gotten very lackadaisical with my blogging. Guess life has just been more than I can handle... oh right, it has. But it's today that reminds me: I have a life... I'm alive. 4 years ago today, 5 wonderful people lost theirs. 5 people who were better than me... who made a positive impact on others; 5 people who weren't a continual drain on life... 5 people who were so in love with Jesus that though they had bad days, their circumstances didn't determine their joy because their joy was founded on the Rock.

It was 4 years ago today that I was faced with a decision: do I go with this whole "God thing"? Do I believe what I grew up learning about? Do I buy into it? Or, is it just a bunch of fluff that people believe in to make themselves feel better? It was 4 years ago today that I thought I'd lost one of the most amazing people I know... one who deserved to live because of the beauty of her spirit. It was 4 years today that I learned what tragedy was; what seeing people who were so, so precious lost in the blink of an eye. There were so many components to that evening... to that accident... to that night that were connected to the people in my world, to ALL of the people who were so greatly impacted by these incredible children of God.

I remember it all like it was yesterday... and not a day goes by that I don't question why them... instead of me. I'm sure that sounds as an insecure plea for someone to say "oh no, Kara, of course not". I'm certainly not saying that in search of an ego boost, rather because those peoples' faith, their impact, their presence was so GREAT. What I long to be, strive to be, and so badly fail at.

I was fortunate to get one of my closest friends back... someone who brings so much joy to so many; the type of person who knows what it's like to be a true friend. It was the tidal waves of emotion, confusion & doubt that forced me into evaluating my faith. As I reflect upon those lives, those memories and how it's changed me, all of the feelings that rush back (both good & bad) remind me of the Lord's omnipotence and mercy.

I take this life and every breath I take for granted so often... when in reality, my life, is "but a vapor"... nothing more.

Chivalry isn't dead?!

That's right; I'm 98% sure that chivalry isn't completely dead... yet. It is, however, dying, and that is quite unfortunate in my not-so-expert opinion.

I certainly can't speak for anyone else but myself on this issue, but I'm a fan of chivalry. A big fan. I've had the privilege of watching chivalrous men such as my father & grandfathers and I like it. I like the idea of gentlemen & ladies. I like the idea of manners (I was raised by the etiquette police, I can't help myself!). I like the idea of being protected, taken care of, provided for in the way God intended for a man to do for a woman.

Don't get me wrong; I'm independent. Extremely independent. Often, too independent. HOWEVER, I am in no way shape or form (and I pray I never will be anywhere near) a Femi-nazi. In fact, evidenced by previous posts, I have a strong dislike for the "I am woman, hear me roar" types. Give me a break. No you're not, you're just someone who is cynical, hasn't fallen in love and/or has been hurt. No one's heart is that hard, and if I'm wrong and they are, I feel really bad for those people.

Being a female is often no fun. Let's be serious here, females get to go through a lot of things that males don't have to. I'm not trying to be a self martyr or say that being a male is easy (I've never been, PTL, so I wouldn't know). What I am saying, is that we deal with things that will never fall under the category of "fun" regardless of how you position it.

Ok, back to the point here. Chivalry. The reason it's a dying art, is because we (the American female population, and yes unfortunately I have to include myself in this) are extremely guilty of either consciously or inadvertently squelching it. I saw something the other day that's really stuck with me:
I work in the largest building in the state of Indiana. People are constantly coming and going. I saw a man in his mid-30's hold the door for a woman in her mid-50's. Her response? To my demise, it wasn't the gracious "thank you" that should have been. Rather it was "what are you doing? I can get the door myself!" followed with a hasty sigh and dirty look.

COME ON LADIES. If we (and again, sadly enough I'm included) want gentlemen; want to be swept off our feet by our Prince Charming, then we MUST allow them to hold the broom and/or ride the white horse. It's no wonder men stopped doing chivalrous acts. If I were that 30 something guy, I wouldn't do it again! I'm not saying that this is all women's fault and that men aren't to blame to a degree (we all know it takes 2 to tango...) but what I am saying is that if this is truly something we want, and want to keep around, then we'd better do something about it.

You know what's even funnier? There is still a group of people that get that. Know who? Well, I will tell you: senior citizens. Know why? Because they get IT. And by IT I mean all of the things that we don't. Both genders of the older generations understand life and lived in a way that put us to shame. I was obviously born in the wrong generation. More on this subject to follow...

Synopsis

My opinion on Obama, his "Obamacare", as well as his "followers" (i.e. Joe open-mouth-insert-foot Biden and Nancy the-plastic-surgery-killed-my-little-brain Pelosi) aren't a secret. In fact, if communism comes to pass, I will probably be disposed of quickly. Eh, like the cheesy bumper sticker says, "my treasure is in Heaven".

My synopsis comes here. I can't take credit for it, but I feel it pretty much sums up the mess that our once great nation has become. Don't get me worng: I am still EXTREMELY proud to be an American. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else and my patriotism runs deep. That's why I respond this way: these whatever you want to call them people are trying to ruin this incredible country.

"So we just passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman said he didn't understand it, passed by a Congress that exempts themselves from it, signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is... obese, and financed by a country that is broke."

Yep, I can see how this is a FANTASTIC idea. When I'm in the hospital next week for 3 days, I will report back what the overall thoughts of those in the medical field are. I'm sure they ought to be interesting. To say the least (the very least).

Obamacare my tail!

WHERE TO BEGIN?! Last night's events are enough to make me nauseas if I were 100% healthy! For those of us who are actually sick and are actually going to need health care, it's that much scarier. You've got the health scare side PLUS the American/tax-payer/freedom-lover side.

Can people TRULY not see through the charisma of this regime and TRULY not see them for what they are? Socialists who will stop at nothing to get what they want?! What so many don't realize, is that it's not just healthcare; this isn't enough. The brew-ha-ha's want control of EVERYTHING. They won't stop here.

The entitlement mentality of our society is beyond scary, beyond sad, beyond pathetic. I'm pretty sure this video (courtesy of the oh so wonderful FoxNews), as well as every word that comes out of Glenn Beck & Mike Pence sums it up...

SHAME ON US

The power of prayer

Prayer is a powerful thing. That is a cliche statement. As well as a considerable UNDERstatement. The idea of prayer, if one sits down to actually thing about it, is nothing short of incredible. A direct line to the Creator of the universe. The opportunity for free and open communication to the maker of the heavens. Instant contact to the Ruler of all. To call it incredible seems like a grave understatement as well.

I can't speak for anyone else on this matter, but it's something I take for granted. Sometimes, I do it out of obligation "because I'm supposed to as a Christian". Sometimes, I feel like I'm talking to the ceiling and that there isn't anyone to hear. Other times, it's when I feel the closest to my Savior. Other times, it is the strength my soul needs and it grants me the divine peace to get through what lies ahead.

As my faith has grown deeper & my Christian walk more consistent, I continually become more and more grateful for prayer. The simple prayer on the inside to the audible conversations I have with my Jesus. It's unreal to me that the one who built the mountains and created the deep oceans cares about the relatively small & insignificance that is me and my life. SOMEHOW my fears, concerns, joys, frustrations, and shortcomings MATTER to the Lord. Because of prayer, I gain wisdom & knowledge on how to handle certain situations, stregnth & peace in times of need, and I GET to praise Him. I get to thank Him, worship Him, and talk to Him. Not only that, but He listens. I'm STILL trying to wrap my mind around this simple idea.

As I have been walking through a valley that seems to keep getting deeper, my appreciate for prayer and my understanding of what it means have both grown exponentially. I am so thankful for the opportunity to have this personal relationship (not religious practice) with the One who sacrificed for my sins. The power of prayer is something I know is deep, but I'm not sure the human, finite mind will ever be able to TRULY grasp. Thank you Lord, for that.

If you're going to be famous, you'd better be good at something...

Please don't get me wrong. I have ZERO problem with famous people. I will even admit to having bought many magazines over my lifetime that are of the likes of People, Us Weekly, OK!, etc. I'm not a regular reader but when you're at the airport or in a doctor's office (2 places I seem to spend a lot of my time), then they make for good reading. If nothing else, it allows me to put my mind in neutral for some time and try to pretend like I care what all of these people who live much different lives than I, do.

That being said, if I'm going to read about you/hear about you on TV/have some TMZ thing pop up when I'm online about you, there'd better be a reason. The ONLY person who I actually like who is famous for reality TV is Lauren Conrad off the hills. First of all, she's not the typical drama queen who is ruining the world with one stupid comment at a time. Oh, and? She works. A job. It's in fashion, she obviously has great style and I saw a TV commercial advertising her line at Kohl's the other day, so she is at least making some kind of contribution to this world other than being annoying and dumb.

You know who I like to read about? Jennifer Aniston (because I like her). Michelle Obama (I don't like her, but she works for good causes). Faith Hill & Tim McGraw because they make beautiful music and have a clue about marriage & family. Even Tiger Woods (though he gets on my nerves & I don't agree with his choices) at least he's good at something. Potentially the greatest golfer to ever play the game. You know who I don't like to hear about? Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, Spiedi. All of them are not only not contributing to the world, they are taking away. They have been escalated to A-list status for reasons I'm still unsure of. Whatever, that's a whole other topic.

That leads me to the final group of people: all of those in between. They're not contributing, not taking away. Sometimes they do good things, sometimes they don't. Which leads me to the purpose of this post: Lindsay Lohan. I will admit, I used to love the movie "The Parent Trap", the one from the 90's that she was in. Loved it. Owned it. Watched it often. However, since then, though she has been in several decent things (i.e. Mean Girls... if you call that decent, I still admit I didn't hate it...), it's been her personal life and bad decisions that we've heard most about.

If you know me at all, you know what of my favorite commercials of ALL time is that e-trade baby that premiered at this year's superbowl: you know, the milkaholic? I watch it over and over and over. AND it's always as funny (if not funnier) than the time before. That is a GREAT piece of marketing. It came out yesterday that Lindsay Lohan is suing e-trade over the use of her likeness. And not JUST suing, but suing for $100 MILLION.

She's NOT EVEN A GOOD ACTRESS. Forget the fact that the name "Lindsay" is popular. Forget the fact that babies (all of them) ARE milkaholics. Funny... they need it to survive. Just because she has an addictive personality, somehow (probably because the whole world is about her) this refers to her. What on earth is this world coming to? Anyone??

...and the greatest of these, is LOVE.

Love is a funny thing. ("It makes one man weak, and another man sing..." -obnoxious Huey Lewis lyrics. Rewind to the 1980's). In my opinion, it may be one of the most over used, over marketed, misunderstood and often flippant terms of the English language.

What is Love? (...baby don't hurt me... no more...) Ha, ok, enough with the cheesy lyrics. But SERIOUSLY. I could probably sit here and come up with a bazillion sets of song words, titles, poems, etc. to back up the various aspects of it.

I'm now going to be really honest. I haven't the foggiest idea what love is. Per se. Do I love? Yes. My Savior, my family, pasta, exercise, shopping, etc. Notice the decline in importance? While I'm aware that my humanity prevents me from being capable of loving the way Jesus loves me, my daily journey to love more like the Lord does has posed some interesting questions. Those questions are now causing me to evaluate what "love" is; thus sparking the age old debate between love/lust/infatuation/like, etc.

I've decided to identify & define examples of love to hopefully clear up my understanding and definition...
1. The Bible. The whole thing. Every word. Period.
2. The way Grandpa Pete spent every day of 52 years next to Grandma Helen's side. Especially the last of those 3 years as the Alzheimer's turned her into a vegetable. She lived at the nursing home. Basically, so did he.
3. The looks I see my parents give one another when they think no one notices. The random hand holding in the car, the occasional middle of the day phone call, the special trip for no reason. After 26 years of marriage, they are truly more in love than ever before.
4. The eye roll that Grammy Barb gives Grampy Paul when he comes home at 10:00 from the hospital. She tries so hard to act annoyed (because she usually is), but after 57 years of marriage, she's still not fooling anyone.
5. Grandpa Rex's complete inability to pick out clothes to wear or accomplish anything without Gramma Ruthie's assistance. He may have been able to be a corporate executive for 47 years, but let's be serious... he can't match socks with shoes. He needs her. He wants to need her.
6. My little cousin Jack's NEED to fill up his mom's drink. He'll fill it to the brim, then shove it in her face and say "here mom, take a sip"! Even at a young age, he wants to love her.

Is there a common theme here? Yes. Is it romance? No. Male/female interaction? No. It's servant-hood. It's the desire to serve because the love is so abundant. It's the ultimate manifestation of the so over-used 1 Corinthians 13. It's an unbelievable desire to be wanted, needed, cared for. Because the love is TRUE & GENUINE there is no self-seeking, self-fulfilling angle. Rather, there is this pure aspect of service; because ultimately one party gets what they want & need by providing what the other wants & needs. It's not about anything but making sure that other person has joy, feels fulfilled & is taken care of. That's all the lover desires. Is for the one whom they love to be completely at peace.

Love is a funny thing... it may not be "all you need", a "battlefield" or always "in the still of the night", but it IS "what makes the world go 'round" and it IS "powerful".

Fly on the wall.

There's this old cliche that my Grandma Helen used to love: "oh to be a fly on the wall". AND she said it as nauseum (similar to how she used all of her cliches to that extent...)

Anyways, had you been a fly on the wall at my parent's house yesterday, you'd have probably gotten a good laugh.

For instance...
K: (making fun of my health problems) I named my thyroid Bertha. And she's a BIG pain in my butt.
Glenn (my cousin's husband): Wouldn't you call that a hemorrhoid?

OR...
Hunter (my little cousin): So there was this one time...
Glenn (also his father): I get nervous when you start telling stories. We should prescreen them.

and...
Gramps: Kara Leigh, you've gained more weight!
K: Well Shorty, you're certainly not getting any skinnier.
Gramps: Hey, at least I don't have to still try to find a spouse.
K: That's a good thing... you're too short to be found!

then there's...
Jodi (looking through my parent's wedding album): Look how skinny I was...
Glenn: I remember when you were skinny!
Jodi: (mouth hanging open)
Glenn: Oh my gosh, I have no way to get out of this...

oh yeah...
Daddy: Kara, keep your fingers out of the food.
K: (picking fruit out of the bowl) NO.
Daddy: YES.
K: (chasing after him with pinching fingers) EW my fingers are red from the juice... AHHH

finally...
K: she called her special
Jodi: I thought that was the best way to put it... she's "special"
Glenn: Special? Ha, yeah. Special ED (leaves the kitchen convulsing in laughter)

Gramps' final thoughts on the day: "Kara Leigh, you are in big trouble. Not only are you pudgy, NO one is going to EVER want to marry into this mess."