Fear of the Unknown

In t-minus a day and a half, I will be embarking on the next step of what seems to be a long, drawn out, complex, confusing journey. People keep asking me if I am excited, and I have to be real honest... even though I often respond with a convenient answer so as to not solicit further questions, I am scared outside of my mind. Some may call it scared @*!+ less. Honestly, I'd say that's probably pretty accurate.

I don't mean to be Debbie Downer, but having faith, trusting, not over-thinking, etc. aren't exactly my strengths. I worry, doubt, and over analyze with the best of them. I'm not excited. Not at all. I am in an absolute panic, but like it or not, this is the path I felt I was being led down and it's too late to turn back now!

Regardless of the fact that I have grown up in every form of Christianity from my home/family, to church, Sunday School, youth group, Christian school/university, chapel, etc. I'm not good at "letting go and letting God". I have yet to figure it out. So here I am, for the first time in my life, taking a leap (not a step but a full out leap) of faith down a path that literally makes me throw up and pass out. Though I am excited about the concept of helping others, I'm not looking forward to school (I'm no good at it, it's fact. Throw in the lack of short term memory and then you've really got a mess!) and I am petrified of the subject material. Oh boy, are we having fun now or what?!

Call it what you will... "fear of the unknown" is probably most applicable and will avoid the most interrogations, so at this point I guess we will stick with that. Talk to me in a year and a half... I will let you know. In the meantime, I will keep breathing. Or at least I will try...