The Heart of the Matter

The old adage, "you're darned if you do, darned if you don't", is one of the most true statements to ever be made. When it comes to people, relationships (both platonic and romantic), and communication, one is truly toast either way. God made us to be relational beings, so without that contact loneliness permeates the soul and leaves that person feeling empty. We weren't meant to go at it alone, rather to "bear one another's burdens in love".

On the same note; people are still humans. They're manipulative, selfish, untrustworthy and regardless of anything, will always let you down. Whether the initial intentions are malicious or the execution is simply misconstrued, people hurt people. Deeply. Which leaves people in the quandary of darned either way.

Being a thin-skinned people pleaser, I have spent my life worrying about what other people think, do, and say. I allow myself to be walked on, and spinelessly used just in the namesake of avoiding drama and conflict. I fully acknowledge the fact that I have no one but myself to blame for those responses, but nonetheless, the pain comes and with it brings broken hearts, tears, and anger.

I'm slowly learning that despite circumstances, I am going to let people down. People are going to let me down. But I have missed out on so much by trying to save face and keep peace, I have vowed that the next quarter century will be different.

Not that I believe for two seconds what people think doesn't matter, but allowing others to have control over my emotions and well being only hurts me and really doesn't effect them one way or another. Ultimately, I can't control my physical health (as we all have seen seems to have a mind of its own), so why not take control back from others and give it to myself. Why not learn to have thick skin and let things ride? The heart of the matter is deeper than people's words and actions, it's learning to stand up for yourself and follow where you feel you are being led.